Humor for St. Patrick's Day

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?"

An Episcopal Bishop lands at in New York and asks the cab driver (an Irishman) to take him to "Christ's Church."

The cabby takes him to Saint Pat's.

The Bishop says, "I said to you very clearly, take me to Christ's Church. This isn't the place!"

The cabby replies, "Yer excellency, If he ain't here, he ain't in town!

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

The good Father was warning his listeners about the suddenness of death.

"Before another day is ended," he thundered, "somebody in this parish will die."

Seated in the front row was a little old Irishman who laughed out loud at this statement. Very angry, the priest said to the jovial old man, "What's so funny?"

"Well!" spoke up the oldster, "I'm not a member of this parish."