Gays priests and Pope Peter ...Heaven only knows

The recent flap over rumors that the Vatican planned to ban homosexuals completely from ordination – which ultimately proved untrue - got me to thinking.

What if the Vatican was itself the source of the rumor?

After all, we’ve seen many politicians do just that sort of thing.

They “float” an idea to see what kind of reaction it gets. If people like it, they propose it. If people don’t, they just say that they never intended any such thing.

An even more Machiavellian tactic is to purposely allow reports of something really horrible to spread to get people upset. Then they release the real proposal that, under normal circumstances, might get some flack, but now gets welcomed almost with relief.

I’m not saying that the Vatican did anything of this sort in this instance, but it is an institution run by human beings. I certainly suspect that in less scrupulous pontificates such things were done.

In this instance, I suspect the speculation had other sources.

Oh, wait, I feel a fantasy sequence coming on….

Jesus and John are sitting in the shade of a tree.

The other Apostles have gone into town to get some food.

“Can I ask you something, John,” Jesus said.

“Anything, Master,” John replied brightly.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about what might happen after I go.”

“GO?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? CAN I COME WITH YOU?”

“Be at peace. I’m not leaving now. But what if I, oh, got arrested or something like that.”

Tears streamed down John’s face.

“They…they couldn’t. They wouldn’t.”

“Of course. But just hypothetically, if I had to go for a while, what do you think of Andrew to run things for a while?”

“He’s just a follower, not a leader.”

“I suppose. Maybe I should put an X through his name. But Thomas, now he’s no follower.”

“Thomas? He’s so negative and cynical. He keeps saying things like “Prove it.”

“Hmm. You have a point. Of course, he is intelligent.”

“So is Matthew, but who’d listen to him.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He was a tax collector. I know he reformed and we’re supposed to forgive and all, but still, some don’t trust him.”

“Who doesn’t trust him?”

“Judas, for one.”

“Ah, yes, Judas. Sharp fellow.”

“Judas? Yes. Everyone respects him. You can count on him to get things done.”

“True, Judas has everyone’s trust.”

“I guess if you have to pick anyone, Judas would be a good one. He’s smart. He’s good with money. You get a sense he knows what he’s doing.”

Jesus chuckled.

“Not like Simon,” he said. “He means well, but …”

John laughed.

“Poor Simon. He keeps messing up. And there’s that mother-in-law of his. Oy! Oh, he tries hard, and everybody likes him, but he’s not the brightest fellow.”

“I like the fact that he acts with his heart and not just his head,” Jesus said.

“Head? Sometimes I think he has rocks in his head.”

Jesus nodded and smiled.

“Rocks? Interesting description.”

“If you want my advice, Judas is your man,” John said.

Jesus sighed. “Yes, I think Judas is capable of playing a bigger role.”

“As for Simon,” John added, “well, heaven only knows what he’ll end up doing.”