Rush Limbaugh marries

Sources confirm that Rush Limbaugh has married for the fourth time.

The thrice-divorced Limbaugh exchanged vows with himself April 1.

“I have finally found someone who could appreciate me for me,” Limbaugh said.

The ceremony took place at the Rio Linda Smoking Lounge.

Limbaugh not only married himself, he performed the ceremony.

A Supreme Court Justice, a bishop, and a minister were all on hand to hear the vows, but because Limbaugh’s opening remarks went so long, they all had to leave for other engagements.

“The all-seeing and all-knowing Maha Rushie has talent on loan from God,” Limbaugh declared. “Who better to hear my vows?”

Michael Savage and Bill O’Reilly were hospitalized during the ceremony after they got into a fist fight over which of them was the best man. Both were held at the hospital for observation for rabies after they bit each other.

Ann Coulter performed the Best Man duties.

There was no maid of honor because women were not allowed in the men’s only club.

Sean Hannity assisted in the ceremony dressed as an altar boy.

Limbaugh is honeymooning with himself at the Betty Ford Clinic.