View from the choir

I am a Catholic layperson and Secular Franciscan with a sense of humor. After years in the back pew watching, I have moved into the choir. It's nice to see faces instead of the backs of heads. But I still maintain God has a sense of humor - and that we are created in God's image.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Robin Hood play, second section

Will: And so Robin and his merry men began their lives of robbing the rich.

(Enter rich woman, followed by two men struggling with a trunk.)

Woman: Hurry up. Hurry up. I don't want to be stuck in these woods when it gets
dark. Can't you move faster? I can always replace you.

(Robin and Much steps out with swords drawn.)Robin: Halt. This is a toll road.

Woman: Oh, mercy me. Thieves! Robbers! Highwaymen! (To her servants)
You fools. Defend me or you’re fired!

(They look at each other, shrug, and put their hands up.)

Robin: You have wise servants. Now, we are not thieves. We are
protectors of this forest road. We merely collect a toll.

(Woman sits on trunk.)

Woman: Oh, I have nothing. My husband never gives me anything.

Robin: What is in the box?

Woman: Just some trifles.

Servant 1: Jewels and gold.

Robin: Nothing?

Woman: Oh, don't mind him. He’s not all there. Besides, he’s from Leicester.

(Much opens the trunk, lifts out some jewels.)

Woman: How did those get in there?

Robin: That should be just about enough for the toll. (To the
servants) Gentlemen, would you be so kind as to carry this trunk
with us?

Servant 2: Might as well. We're out of a job now anyway.

Woman: I was just kidding.

Servant 1: Good joke. We’re laughing.

Woman: What about me?Robin: I don't think Much could carry you. But he will be happy to
escort you to the edge of the forest.

(All exit.)

Will: Robin gathered more followers. That's when we met.

(Scarlett starts walking across the stage. Robin steps out from hiding.)

Robin: Halt stranger.

Will: I'm not used to being ordered.

Robin: Forgive me. I don't mean to offend. I am merely doing my job.

Will: And what job is that?

Robin: Toll collector on this royal road. And loyal servant of King Richard.

Will: I. too, am loyal to the King. But I don't pay tolls.
Robin: Your bad luck. ( Draws sword.)

(Will draws his. The two begin to fight. It goes back and forth, then
Will knocks Robin's sword out of his hand and holds his sword to
Robin's throat.)

Robin: Well played. You are a good swordsman.

Will: You too. But alas I am no match for bows and arrows - such as
the ones pointed at me from behind those trees.

Robin: True. Still, it seems a shame to charge you a toll.

Will: Especially since I have nothing to collect. The Sheriff of Nottingham has
seen to that.

Robin: And how did you run afoul of him?

Will: I was at the inn when some of the sheriff's soldiers stood to toast Prince
John. I refused to drink with them. Then I proposed a toast to King Richard.
Everyone in the inn stood - except the soldiers. The next day, my home was
seized by the sheriff to house soldiers. Then they took my money and said it
was a tax to pay for protecting my home.

Robin: Ah, well we could always use a good swordsman. You are welcome
to stay with us. I'm Robin Hood.

(All exit except Will.)

Will: So that is how I joined the merry band. But I was not the last to join
– or battle Robin.

(Robin, Alan and Much enter stage left. They spot a bridge.)

Robin: Stay here while I see if the coast is clear.

(He approaches the bridge. Little John enters from stage right, and
approaches the bridge. They both stop and look at each other.

Little John: Ho stranger. I am crossing this bridge. Please move aside.

Robin: I intend to cross, too.

Little John: There is not enough room for two of us. I started across first, so I
will go first.

Robin: I’m in a hurry, and so I will go first.

Little John: I have the right of way.

(Robin raises his bow.)

Robin: This gives me the right of way.

Little John: That hardly seems fair. I am armed only with this staff.

Robin: Then I will be fair.

(He picks up a staff. They meet in the middle of the bridge. They battle.
Robin finally falls off the bridge. His men come rushing out.

Much: Robin, are you all right.

Alan: Should we shoot him, Robin?

Robin: No, he beat me in a fair fight. Let him pass.

(Little John reaches out a hand.)

Little John: Are you Robin Hood? I have been looking for you.

Robin: Why?

Little John: I want to join your band. I want to fight the sheriff.

Robin: A big fellow like you is more than welcome.

(All exit except Will.)

Will: And there were many fights.

(Enter Much. He suddenly stops. Soldier 2 enters. They begin got
fight with swords. Then soldier 3 enters.)

Much: Feet don’t fail me now, (Runs off stage)

(The soldiers follow off stage. We hear a scream. The soldiers run out.
One has an arrow through his head.

Soldier 2: (to the wounded one): Keep moving. It’s all in your head anyway.
(They exit.)

(Several merry men emerge with bows, laugh and point after the fleeing
soldiers, then exit)

Will: Yes, many battles. Sometimes it was to help people on the road and in the
woods.

(Enter an old man, walking with a staff. Solders 1 and 4 approach him.)

Soldier 1: Hold it there, old man.

Soldier 4: We’re collecting taxes.

Old man: All I have are a few pennies to pay for food.

Soldier 1: An old man like you doesn’t need much to eat. Give us the money.

Old man: Things were not like this when King Richard was in England.

Soldier 4: Richard has been captured and is being held hostage. The taxes are
for his ransom.

Old man: What if he is already free?

Soldier 1: Then he can stop the taxes when he gets back. Until then, we collect.

Old Man: As far as I can tell, all of the money is being used by Prince John
and his friends for themselves.

Soldier 4: We have expenses.

(Little John and Much enter with bows aimed.)

Little John: Maybe it’s time to cut down on some of those expenses.

(Soldiers run. As they go off stage, Little John and Much fire. We hear
screams.)

Much: That should save a little on salaries.

Old Man: Thank you.

Little John: Just doing our service for England.

Old Man: And who are you?

Much: We are Robin Hood’s Merry Men.

Old man: I have heard of Robin Hood. They say he is a thief.

Little John: He only robs those who steal from others.

Much: He robs from the rich and gives to the poor.

Little John: And he serves King Richard.

Much: We are all waiting for the return of the king. Then things will be better.

Old Man: There are rumors that he may return soon.

Little John: The sooner, the better. But for now (hands him a package) here’s
some food to help you on your way.

Old Man: I won’t forget the kindness and loyalty of Robin Hood and his men.

(Old Man exits)

Will Scarlett: Sometimes we even went into town to help the people.

(Enter the Sheriff, Lackey and Soldier 4 carrying a large chest.)

Sheriff: All right. It’s my favorite day of the year.

Lackey: Your birthday? Gee, I’m sorry. I didn’t get you a gift.

Sheriff: No. Tax day.

Lackey: But every day is tax day for you.

Sheriff: Yes. Isn’t life good?

Lackey: (To soldier) We’ll collect. You guard the loot. I mean, the taxes.

Sheriff: (To Lackey) Search for peasants. I know they are here. I can smell them.

(Sheriff Exits Lackey sniffs, make a sour face, then turns to audience.)

Lackey: The only thing I smell is the beans he had for lunch. (exits).

(Robin, Little John, and Much enter quietly behind the soldier guarding the
chest. Much is carrying a golf bag.)

Robin signals to Little John to hit the guard. Little John tells Much to put
down the golf bag. He then pulls out a club, swings it a few times,
shakes his head and puts it away. He takes out a second club, swings it
like a golf club, shakes his head again. He takes out a third club. He
swings it a few times, smiles then whacks the Soldier 4 over the head.
Soldier 4 looks up at the air, then holds out his hand to see if it’s raining.

Robin, Little John and Much look at each other. Then Little John swings
again.

Soldier takes off his helmet, scratches his head, and looks at the helmet.

Robin, Much, and Little John look at each other, puzzled.

Then Much takes out a small box, takes something out of it and begins to
chew. He then approaches the Soldier and taps him on the shoulder.

Soldier turns, smiling. Much breathes on him. Soldier falls.

Robin: Good job. What was that?

Much: Garlic gum. Want some?

(Breathes on Robin, who starts to faint. Little John holds him up.)

Robin: (Waving hand in front of his face): Put on the soldier’s clothes and keep
an eye on the taxes.

(Much puts on the soldier’s helmet and the guard’s outer garment. Robin
and Little John drag the knocked out soldier off stage.)

(Enter a peasant woman carrying a basket.)

(Sheriff and Lackey come in and approach her.)

Sheriff: It’s time to pay your taxes, woman.

Woman: But you taxed us last week.

Sheriff: It’s a new week. New taxes.

Woman: But I have no money left.

Sheriff: Then we will take what you have. Take her basket.

(Lackey takes her basket. He looks inside and takes out a rubber
chicken.)

Lackey: What’s this, then?

Woman: It’s the only food we have left.

Sheriff: It looks unhealthy. I wouldn’t want you to get sick. We’ll test it first – at my
dinner table.

Woman: Oh. Will no one save us? (Exits)

(Lackey takes the basket to the chest. Looks at the guard.)

Lackey: You look different.

Much: I’ve been sick.

(Lackey opens the chest and puts the basket in. Sniffs.)

Lackey: Phew. You must not be well. You smell like garlic.

(Walks away. Little John comes out and switches places with Much. Much
takes the basket out of the trunk and exits.)

(Sheriff enters with Lackey.)

Sheriff: Where are they hiding everything? Search that house.

(Lackey exits.)

(Sheriff looks at audience.)

Sheriff: Some of you look like you have money. I may have to start taxing you.
(Exits.)

(Lackey reenters carrying a moose head (or some such similar item)

Lackey: Ha! You can’t believe peasants when they say they have nothing! Look
at this.

(Stops in front of Little John. Looks puzzled.)

Lackey: Didn’t you used to be shorter?

Little John: Growth spurt.

(Lackey puts the head in the chest.)

(Robin comes out, switches places with Little John. Little John exits with
the moose head.)

(Lackey comes in carrying some strange object. Looks at Robin.)

Lackey: Didn’t you used to be taller?

Robin: It’s hot. I’ve been sweating.

Lackey: Don’t forget to drink plenty of water.

(He puts the object in the trunk and leaves. Little John and Much come
out, carrying the soldier. Robin takes of the guard clothes, then they put
the guard and the clothes in the chest. They exit.)

(The Sheriff and Lackey return.)

Sheriff: That’s enough for today. There’s always tomorrow.

(He and Lackey look around.)

Sheriff: Where’s the soldier?

Lackey: He wasn’t feeling well.

Sheriff: When I get a hold of him, he’ll be feeling dead. Grab the
other end and let’s get this out of here.

(They try to lift the chest, but can’t. They open the chest. The soldier
sits up and holds his head.)

Lackey: I told you to drink some water.

Sheriff: Fools. Robin Hood and his men are around. Let’s get out of
here.

(They exit with the trunk. Robin. Little John and Much come back in
carrying bags.)

Robin: Good job. Let’s get all those taxes back to the people who paid it

Little John: What shall we do with all this gold we also found in the
chest?

Robin: Share it with all good peasants.

(The bags contain gold covered chocolate coins. The three go down
and give it to people in the audience.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

Fun!

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, As part of a sports related degree, I'm doing some research into some golf related search 'keywords' e.g. 'golf'. I've used golf to contact people but I need more input. Any suggestions on where to look?
Thnx

12:18 AM  

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